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May 10th, 2011


This is how it starts…

(GP) Countryland –

Today, Easter Sunday, April 24th, 2011 signifies an incredible birth.

Not the rebirth of Christ. No one cares about him. Today is the birth of one of histories most valued treasures. A story of unbelievable fortitude, chaotic perseverance, and an uncanny shift in the annals of history.

Today, is the birth of The Bonerz.

Dr. Retread, the most elite genetic scientist, and splicer of mutant genes, based in Switzerland, has made this landmark announcement and revelation of a project that he has been working on:

Today, after many years of trial and error, I will reveal my most profound project to date.

Finally, working with the right combinations of Eukaryotic organisms, I have been able to splice a number of characteristics together from a wide variety of parents across all social and racial classes. I have adapted the best and most important genes, and chromosones, allowed them to orchestrate their own horizontal gene transfer, and create the first, artificial human clone.

For the last 16 years, I have worked on this project, well advanced of all of scientific discovery! My process has been uncompromised by the failure of modern genetic technology and interference, and therefore this project, or for pop cultures sake we can refer to them as MY children, is the premier, utmost, greatest wonder of the world!

Allow me to introduce the future of humankind!

Welcome my children, with warmth, love, and awe!

Welcome my skeletoids!

With that, Dr. Retread reveals five creatures, strapped down to hospital gurneys, surrounded by a thick iron-barred cage! These creatures were hideous! Sloppily dressed, yet revealing their superhero like physiques, their teenage hairdoos, and their… GASP! Their hideous faces…without faces! No perceivable necks, no perceivable skin, no perceivable faces or eyes! Their heads are merely skulls!

As they are revealed, they struggle against their restraints and growl and hiss and spit lewd and foul expletives.  A hushed awe over the gallery as camera flashes light up the room, turns suddenly to shouts of disgust and anger!

One elderly looking man shouts, “Travesty!” Another, “Inhumane!”

One woman, points at the creatures and yells above the crowd, “These Boners disgust me!”

Out of the crowd jumps a dirty-looking fellow wearing a green shirt that says, “Love thy Skeletoids!”, carrying a pair of bolt cutters, and catching security by surprise. A ruckus ensues, but not until after the hippie freak breaks the cage lock. Panic overcomes the crowd, as they rush for the emergency exits, and unnoticed, except apparently to this reporter, is that these Skeletoids have escaped their shackles and imprisonment, and begin to wreak havoc on the crowds.

Hiding behind a chair, I watch as body parts fly, blood sprays, and girls get impregnated. (Not in any particular order.) Dr. Retread holds his head in his hands, as he cries in apparent disappointment. Before long, and after many screams of agony and beggings of mercy, the crowd falls silent except for the anguished moans of dying men and women, and sobs of frightened onlookers.

One looks around, and these Skeletoids, or Boners if you have it, are gone. Dr. Retread looks around angrily, and curses and storms away, to the chants of “Kill the Boners! Kill the Boners!”

In summary, Dr. Retread has proven why human cloning is something that is frowned upon. What has he done?